My boyfriend said I could meet his mum

My boyfriend said I could meet his mum – if I covered up

Shakira Bruce-Abubakar Published November 23, 2025 12:00pm Share this article via whatsappShare this article via xCopy the link to this article.Link is copiedShare this article via facebook Comment now Comments Shakira Bruce-Abubakar poses on a residential road

Shakira Bruce-Abubakar poses on a residential road

Once I saw the design of my first tattoo, I fell in love (Picture: Shakira Bruce-Abubakar)

As I was wrapped in the comfort of my boyfriend, on a cosy winter weekend, a question surfaced.

We had spoken before about meeting his mother many times. And yet, it still had not happened.

The curiosity suddenly grew too strong.

‘When am I going to meet your mum?’ I asked. We’d been together for almost two years and were an important part of each other’s lives.

He chuckled as he avoided my eyes. ‘You’re gonna have to wear clothes to cover yourself when you do,’ he said playfully.

At first, we both laughed. I honestly thought he was being sarcastic. But then it was clear I had misunderstood what he had said.

‘Wait,’ I said in shock, my voice trembling. ‘Are you actually being serious?’

He scrambled to explain himself, saying his parents were quite conservative, they weren’t used to seeing tattoos and were strongly opposed to them.

‘They might not see you as the kind of girl a man should bring home,’ he admitted, especially when compared to his brothers’ more ‘traditional’ wives.

Shakira Bruce-Abubakar in her graduation cap and gown

Every line and detail of a new tattoo was intentional – pieces of art that mirrored who I am (Picture: Shakira Bruce-Abubakar)

I got my first tattoo when I was 17 – a small design on my foot. At the time, it was simply to cover a scar I’d always felt insecure about.

But once I saw the design, I fell in love – not just with how beautiful it looked, but with how it made me feel. Confident. Comfortable. Beautiful in my own skin for the first time in a long time.

Over the next five years, I slowly added to my tattoo collection, until there were 13 in total. Every line and detail was intentional – pieces of art that mirrored who I am.

This incident wasn’t the first time.

People often feel entitled to tell me that my tattoos are a mistake, judging me by my appearance before they’ve even had a chance to know me.

On one occasion, someone came into my house to do some work, and instead of focusing on the job, they sat me down for an unsolicited lecture about my tattoos.

Apparently I was ruining my skin, I was a ‘beautiful girl who didn’t need them.’

Shakira Bruce-Abubakar poses on a residential street

I loved my tattoos and what they represented (Picture: Shakira Bruce-Abubakar)

Another time, during the heat of the summer, I was trying to catch a cab, wearing shorts, to stay cool.

A stranger saw me, paused for a moment and then started shouting at me from across the street, telling me I was a ‘pretty girl’ that had ‘plastered tattoos all over myself’.

I won’t lie – at first, it got to me. I would feel embarrassed, sometimes even ashamed, long after the moment had passed. The looks, comments and unsolicited opinions would replay in my mind for days, sometimes weeks.

I loved my tattoos and what they represented.

But being constantly reminded that society doesn’t see them like you do, and hearing those judgments over and over again can wear you down.

The stigma that tattoos are unprofessional, unladylike or reckless, has a way of seeping into even the most confident minds.

But then I realised, I shouldn’t have to feel this way. I loved the art of my tattoos and the way they told my story.

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After that I learned to shake judgment off. Sometimes, I even found it funny and would laugh when I heard them.

But hearing my boyfriend say those words that night was different. It immediately brought those same old emotions back. It even brought feelings I’d never even experienced before. I started questioning my boyfriend and our relationship.

He knew from the very beginning that I had tattoos. So, I couldn’t help but conclude that he’d never intended for me to meet his parents at all. He didn’t take me, or our relationship, seriously.

And worst of all – I embarrassed him.

I live a responsible life. I’m quiet, kind and reserved.

I studied hard for two degrees, I have a good job, and I pay my own bills. I take pride in being independent and capable.

Having a tattooed body doesn’t change any of that.

Shakira Bruce-Abubakar smiles in front of a leafy wall

Ink doesn’t define a person’s character (Picture: Shakira Bruce-Abubakar)

If a few pieces of art on my skin made me the type of woman my boyfriend couldn’t take home to his mum, that was his problem, not mine.

The assumption that having tattoos makes people untrustworthy, less intelligent, unkind or less capable of being loved is outdated.

Our relationship lasted for about a year after that. He tried to smooth things over, downplaying what he’d said and wrapped his words in comfort, telling me I was overthinking.

And though I stayed, deep down I already knew the truth. I would never meet his mum. And I never did.

Eventually, we came to the mutual decision to end things and I’m glad.

That relationship taught me a lot about self-worth and the importance of being with someone who truly accepts you.

Since then, I’ve met someone who’s kind, open-minded and has tattoos himself.

But more importantly, he understands that ink doesn’t define a person’s character.

And maybe, if people finally understood that, the way they treated people like me would change too.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].

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