- Money
Here are the red flags to look out for
Camilla FosterFriday 21 November 2025 08:49 GMTComments
CloseRelated: Relationship expert reveals quickest way couples can regain trust after cheating
Sign up to our free money newsletter for investment analysis and expert advice to help you build wealth
Sign up to our free money email for help building your wealth
Sign up to our free money email for help building your wealth
Email*SIGN UPI would like to be emailed about offers, events and updates from The Independent. Read our Privacy notice
While romantic infidelity frequently captures public attention and personal anguish, another form of betrayal – financial cheating – is quietly eroding trust within countless relationships.
Money matters, often a primary source of tension for couples, can escalate beyond mere disagreements over household budgets into profound deceit.
Louise Barretto, a specialist family solicitor and legal director of family at Moore Barlow, says that seemingly minor behavioural changes can indicate a more serious underlying issue.
"It’s not a legal definition, but essentially it’s dishonesty or deceit around money within a relationship," she says.
For romantic partners, this often involves “when one partner is hiding something or misrepresenting financial information”, she says.
These subtle financial deceptions can be deeply corrosive, and Ms Barretto has outlined six crucial red flags to help identify them.
open image in galleryUnexpected withdrawals could be a red flag (Getty/iStock)1. Missing funds or unexpected withdrawals
Substantial withdrawals with no explanation could be a cause for concern.
“Any unexplained withdrawals or missing funds from a joint account that you’d expect to be there is a red flag,” says Ms Barretto. “For example, making large purchases without telling you.”
2. Being secretive about finances
“Financial transparency is a cornerstone of any marital partnership,” says Ms Barretto.
“When one spouse becomes secretive about bank statements, credit card bills, or refuses previously normal account access, it suggests they may be hiding assets, debts or transfers.
“This type of behaviour commonly appears alongside other forms of financial dishonesty and can complicate the division of assets further down the line.”
Get a free fractional share worth up to £100.Capital at risk.
Terms and conditions apply.
Go to websiteADVERTISEMENT
Get a free fractional share worth up to £100.Capital at risk.
Terms and conditions apply.
Go to websiteADVERTISEMENT
3. Change in spending habits
“Sudden shifts in spending patterns – whether that be unexplained luxury purchases, cash withdrawals, or being uncharacteristically more frugal with finances – can signal that a spouse is diverting funds elsewhere or hiding their financial activity,” says Ms Barretto.
“In divorce proceedings, it is usually the case that the status quo should be retained in the financial landscape until the situation is resolved.”
open image in galleryBeing secretive about finances is a bad sign (Getty/iStock)4. Inconsistencies
“If you know what your partner is earning, or what you’ve been told they’re earning, but their lifestyle isn’t consistent with that, that could be a red flag,” says Ms Barretto.
“For example, if somebody says they earn £200,000 but can’t afford to order a pizza, then you should be on your guard.”
5. Suspicious mail or phone calls
“Even if you do online banking, if you’re in arrears you’re going to get something through the mailbox,” says Ms Barretto.
“Although you can’t open someone else’s mail up, you can certainly say ‘what’s that?’ In addition, someone in debt might be left telephone messages on the landline.”
6. Making changes to joint assets without consultation
“Unilateral decisions about jointly held property or accounts such as liquidating investments, adding signatories, or transferring funds represents a huge breach of trust,” says Ms Barretto.
“These actions can disadvantage the other spouse financially and may constitute dissipation of marital assets, which courts take seriously when determining fair settlements.”
What impact can this behaviour have on a relationship?
“Financial cheating can signify a significant breakdown in trust, almost on a par with actual romantic cheating,” says Ms Barretto.
“Obviously, it affects different couples in different ways, but it can lead to a breakdown in the relationship.
“In addition, if it’s happening during separation or divorce proceedings, then it can have quite a significant implications on the proceedings because the court requires both parties to provide a ‘full and frank’ disclosure of all financial assets and liabilities.”
open image in galleryFinding the right time to ask questions is key (Getty/iStock)What should someone do if they think their partner is financially cheating on them?
“If something feels wrong, then there is probably something going on,” says Ms Barretto. “The main thing is to gather as much information as possible without breaching the other party’s confidential information.”
Finding the right time to ask questions is key.
“Try to ask questions if you’re feeling a little bit suspicious or insecure about it, but make sure you choose the right time,” advises Ms Barretto. “Keep calm and be prepared to also disclose what your financial situation is so they don’t feel like they are under attack.”
However, the specialist family solicitor acknowledges that direct confrontation isn’t always safe.
“If you have a partner who flies off the handle and can get abusive, then you’re not going to want to have that conversation directly with them on your own in circumstances where it could become unsafe,” says Ms Barretto.
“If things are really rocky and you are contemplating separating or divorcing, then you should consider speaking to a solicitor before confronting the other party.”
Why is it important to be transparent about finances in a relationship?
Talking about finances is often seen as a taboo, but it can help strengthen relationships.
“Every couple is different, but I firmly believe that it’s healthy to sit down together on a regular basis and discuss finances, especially in a marriage,” says Ms Barretto.
“Talk about what your family financial goals are, so you feel like you are pulling together towards a common goal – whether that be a house purchase or upgrade or about sending your children to private schools.”
More about
cheatingFinancesrelationshipsJoin our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments
